On Wednesday, I did two different pitches to illustrate the difference between good and bad.  Now, keeping in mind that I wrote this pitch, this is still what the editor in me (in red — of course) thought while reading that pitch:

In my early chapter book for young kids, Liv gets really upset after her brother goes missing after a boring field party.  Wait. What? A field party in a chapter book for kids aged 7-9? How old are these characters? He’s been kidnapped, but Liv doesn’t know by who, kind of redundant because, really, that’s not going to be very suspenseful if she does know and she spends the rest of the book looking for him and feeling guilty for hating him for most of their lives. Why does she hate him? Also, Morte Who is Morte? The brother? is a creepy looking kid that Liv thinks is somehow linked to death Wait. What? even though she doesn’t have any proof for this.  What on earth does that mean? The book is a mystery no this pitch is a mystery and kind of paranormal and a great thriller for kids to read.  I can’t wait for you to see the full manuscript. not likely

No way would I be requesting this book.

© Copyright 2006-2011 Madeline Smoot. All rights reserved.
May be excerpted and duplicated for educational purposes.
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